I had an interesting conversation with a friend yesterday. We spoke about flirting and its inappropriateness, especially when it comes from a committed or married person. My argument was if flirtation was meant only in kindness or jest then it should be acceptable. Her rebuttal was if it was not something that you could say in from of your wife then it was not appropriate. I assured her that I would not cross the line into forbidden territory. I do not insinuate a desire for sex nor ask for sex. I have too much Love and I am not going to disrespect my wife, family, friends or strangers.
I have to admit that I was a little offended, only because I always thought she knew that my comments are always mere playfulness and designed to foster good moods and smiles nothing more or less.
After the conversation I called MY WIFE and she was the one who explained me to me.
I asked do you think I would cheat on you and she respond no, she did not believe that. She asked why and I explained the conversation between my friend and me. This is what she told me. She said YES you do flirt with women and what you may consider kindness or
simple flirtation can be misinterpreted by a woman. She may feel that you are insinuating more. At that point, I understood exactly what she meant, but I figure that my female friends knew the line I did not cross.
I have always understood that most women enjoy compliments and a little flirting as long as it did not cross the line and turn to disrespect. I have always been known (or so I thought) to be the guy that you (male or female) could count on to help without a hidden agenda. Now before the angels come down and place the glowing halo on my head, I want to say that I am very much a man. I find women attractive. Physically attractive, sexually attractive, and some not at all, BUT I believe that being a 100% man means that you have self-control and smarts.
I believe that:
· Sexual attraction is natural and I embrace that, but I am not ruled by my penis. I rule it.
· My family deserves Love and stability. My wife and kids deserve a man who will work to keep our family united, safe, secure and loved. We do not need another set of young black males being raised with the father outside of the house.
· I do not put myself in any situation that will allow me to compromise my principles.
· It does not matter what the woman does, ultimately the decision to act is mine!
Note: I also know that many people have been approached all their lives by individuals who always have a hidden agenda, so when someone like me comes along, it is only natural to think that there is an ulterior motive.
Lastly, I have to admit there is a little selfish motive to my actions. When I take the time to compliment someone, ask how they are doing, or mention something to make them smile, it makes me feel great! I LOVE it. When I can make anyone smile or laugh. I get a joy, a sort of high from the fact that I was able to impact them in a positive way. I know it may sound a little hokey or contrive, but try it. Smile all day and compliment, help, and make people laugh or smile. I know you will feel great at the end of the day.
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11 comments:
I don't believe what you are doing is flirting. You may compliment someone but flirting has a relationship (simply sexual or otherwise) connection to it. I flirt because I'm interested in experiencing more...either sexually or otherwise (or both). But it is possible to engage in friendly conversation or compliment with that being the end and wanting nothing more or leaving the other person feeling like you want more.
I think in a committed relationship flirting shouldn't be done at all. I think its disrespectful to your partner. Even if you are attracted to someone else. It would be fine if everything was about your own self control but like your friend, different people will assume you want more to make them feel good. But of course, I'm possessive. I want all the attention. Be polite and be nice,just as you would another man, but I'm the only woman that deserves to have the good feelings. LOL
First off, powerful topic! With that said, I can dig where you're coming from (maybe because I'm a guy), but I can understand what the ladies mean too. It's definitely a thin line to walk.....lace up the Jordans ;) (Good lookin' out on the comment too, lookin' forward to future comments. P.E.A.C.E. (Positive Energy Always Creates Elevation)
Hey Travis! Thanks for stopping by my Dirty spot.
Flirting is always a touchy subject. Atleast you have a wife who knows your friendly nature and accepts you for it without it being an issue in your relationship. Kiss her for that, she deserves it ;-)
Check out my blog on a similar topic and tell me what you think.
http://evermfamous.blogspot.com/2008/08/defining-difference-between-cheating.html
~Ever M. Famous
Complimenting and flirting are two different things. Flirting is when you turn a compliment into a sexual or romantic interest in the other party. You look nice today and your ass looks nice in those jeans are two different types of compliments. You need to ask yourself what type of compliments are you giving. If what you said could be seen as anything other than innocent then you are flirting which is wrong and not giving harmless compliments. I also think you shouldn't say what you are feeling and thinking and if it's taken the wrong way claim....it's just the man in me. Even if your words are innocent, have you taken the time to think about how those words can be taken out of context to a woman who is in need of those compliments? A woman like that can easily be confused by what you think is harmless flirting....she on the other hand has taken it as an advance toward something beyond that flirtatious compliment. Now once you go pray, yogafy (lol) or whatever it is you do to get your spirit right....your back on, I love my wife and my family. Meanwhile the woman is left feeling broken and confused. Monitor your words and your actions carefully is all I am trying to say. It is often how you say something not what you say.
Wow! Very good topic. A nice comment is one thing but the way you put that comment into context could mean something else. Personally I like compliments but I know for myself that I would never cross that line to make it mean beyond a friendly comment. Some may not feel the same.
what would you think of this
if a married man and a father of 8says to a single women she look Hot by email connection behinds wife back on face book?
I get where you are comming from and I believe that as long as you don't take it further, you won't end up in the "sleazebag" territory. I am a single woman and I flirt a lot. For the most part I don't mean anything by it...but if a guy is good-looking I may probably mention it. Well, recently I've learned that one guy I'd been flirting with, who's been flirting with me as well, is married. And he's asked me to dinner like twice already. The first time I said "no" and this time I see it's not working, so I said I'll think about it and maybe. Next time I see him, I'll be inventing an uber-jealous wresteler boyfriend who's expecting me home by certain time and if I'm not there he's going to come looking for me. :) I honestly don't know what else to do to stop this guy from asking me out. He is attractive and funny and charming but married. That's the line I won't be crossing.
Well as a victum of the husband flirting, we have been married for 6 years and have been knowing each other for 15 years. I recently found out that he has been overly flirting with this coworker of his and she decides to continously call his telephone and leave messages that she misses his voice and she needs to talk to him. She calls and leave messages that she wants him to call her back and if she does not answer, he will know why. To me this indicates that she has a man. As the wife of the flirting husband, I am tired of the betrayal and disrespect!! Even though he says that he flirts and does it to see how far he can get, it is still disrespectul to me no matter what his reasons!!
And to top that off he has pushed the issue so much so that the woman has starting falling for my husband. To me this is more than just flirtations and honestly I am making preparations to become legally seperated because there is only but so much disrespect I can tolerate and not to mention the distrust, it is too unhealthy for me especially when I have been totally faithful. Where am I in the wrong for speaking up for my well deserved respect and love? To me all of this flirtation mess leads to temptation when leads to infidelity which definitely leads to divorce. Midlife crisis for men is not an excuse, I think it is a cop out for being selfish and inconsiderate of the vows.
My husband and I have been married for 14 years, together for 19. In the last 5-6 years he has this new thing where he flirts with any attractive woman or young girl he fancies. He never did this before and I have only had 100% trust in him. However, there have been about six separate incidents where he has crossed the line with other women. However every one of these has occurred because of his overdrinking. He has in the past bad mouthed me, abused me physically and emotionally and I stay with him and try to help him realize his problems. He is a good man underneath the addiction and he's a good father as well. I no cannot trust him at all. His new job takes him out of town to hotels where he sits at the bar and drinks all night. He likes to chat up the female bartenders and will even go bar hopping with others that he meets at the hotel. He has his own room and will often shut his phone off so he doesn't have to listen to me bitching about him being out. He swears he isn't doing anything but admits there's nothing wrong with looking. I can't stand it. I am considered by the majority if men to be very attractive and well built. I have a great personality and when he's home we have an absolutely amazing sex life. He tells me that he doubts it could be better with anyone else. But yet he still loves to flirt. I feel it's disrespectful and the line could easily be blurred especially with the drinking. I wish any decent single lady out there that is being flirted with by a married man would point out to them that they have a wife at home who could probably use that misdirected attention.
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